I Don't Know Why...

Sometimes I think that I don't belong here
    I mean as in not belonging in this kind of population
    I feel like people come to me when they want or need something
    I overthink about things I shouldn't even overthink about
    Or that I'm too mean or agressive to people without me knowing about it
    At times I try to stop being so negative and sometimes it works
    but then I forget about being positive and sh*t and i completely loose it
    Sometimes I can't handle my sh*t no more
    I feel like Ima explode if i keep up with this crap
    I have a feeling i won't be alive for so long
    And I know everyone says i shouldn't say that to myself
    but i can't just fake a smile and pretend like everything is okay
    when i know and others know that I'm not fine
    Faking and lying that "I'm fine" is not gonna work anymore
    i'm not used to crying infront of people cuz i feel like they think i'm begging for attention 
    or that i'm too weak and stupid to handle stuff by myself
    But i mean i gotta let my tears and pain out someday right?
    I can't just lie to people that "I'm fine" you feel me?
    But oh well it's not like it matters anymore
    i don't really care anymore tbh 
    oh well...